среда, 3 августа 2011 г.
It comes in… from inside you
He asked:
and how would you reach this condition
then?
You cannot reach it anyhow! It comes from within. Neither mantras, pranayama, nor yoga…
nothing will let you Reach it. Because only when you are Here and Now!!!!.. relaxed and Lively like a child – it starts to happen by itself!!!!! It
comes in… from inside you (So bloody
clever I got!)
Merry-go-round of characters.
Merry-go-round of characters.
I seldom write about this part of
my life. Many enlightened persons
talk and write about it.
Since my enlightenment has come (
I do not like this word. I like to call it The Oneness) the peace fulfilled my
entire life. Not only my mind, but body within.
I was born remembering HOME ( the Source) and with strong awareness that
We are the ONE. I was talking with
Universe all the time. See the Invisibles))) I was experienced the Oneness by
inner energy body since childhood
and earlier. My solid body was against this experience of the Oneness. It
experienced pain and violence ( my father’s
beating). Me as a consciousness experienced Oneness and Unconditional love. Because of this dual and opposite experiences my life became a
nightmare. I couldn’t understand why others so cruel and behaved like we were enemy.
I was dreaming to turn my body into Light to come back HOME! Since I was 13 years old, I practiced different ways of
self-understanding. At 26 I gave
up. My body refused to work properly. I got Autism syndrome since I
remember myself, but only at 21 I understood
how it`s called. I couldn`t look straight into eyes of people. Loud and rhythmic sounds turned me into autoaggression, making my body
go through some kind of epileptic attacks. It was really hard to live like
this. There always were attacks of dissociation.
I gave up and told to the Universe:
-I will stop eating until my body comes to Light matter. I have no strength
to live. I give up!
In forty minutes after I had manifested my promise, the Enlightenment for
my Body came into my life.
“…__
The
moment came when I felt like the plug in my anus had fallen out. And I felt
that my self-awareness dropped down deeply into the Body of the Whole “WORLD”.
Just try to imagine: The WORLD has its own Body!!! And you are out of your body like a matryoshka, falling into deeper body –world`s body. Then you understand that it is YOUR body!
- Oh, God! THIS IS MY BODY and IT`s HUGE!!
It is impossible to put this experience into words and thoughts, even the images are useless. You need to live it within your body.
Just try to imagine: The WORLD has its own Body!!! And you are out of your body like a matryoshka, falling into deeper body –world`s body. Then you understand that it is YOUR body!
- Oh, God! THIS IS MY BODY and IT`s HUGE!!
It is impossible to put this experience into words and thoughts, even the images are useless. You need to live it within your body.
Then I
felt that my body will die, but I AM! My body is the world .. went deeper ..
the world is destroyed, and I still Am! (Sense of self-embracing that pervades
everything and more..) . My body is the Universe .. and went deeper .. and
included awareness of the “I AM”. I transmitted the sense of self awareness
into sense of self identity, trying to get self- consciousness.
Then I went
deeper into awareness of that part of myself which was being experienced it. I
realized that Everything would collapses and I would aware myself
as a TRUE Self. At that exact moment all boundaries (desire to live and losing
Leslav, “what about me?”) turned on. And I thought : “I do not have
to live and create all I am creating everyday for the People,
because They are Me, do I have to?”I began to let go of it and gave myself feeling that I was ready to go HOME. I was ready to collapse everything as I didn’t lose anything at all.
All this is
going to die, to be destroyed but I AM still here. I was born within this
knowledge. But now I experienced it deeply with my body. This very strong
feeling was fixed in me. Not in my body, but in ME-e-e-e ( In
my Self-awareness as I AM) !!!! I ever disappeared anywhere. I will always be
here. Because I AM. I just exist as the presence of “I AM” ,with no
beginning, middle and end!
I picked
up a large pink Agate and came out of my little body into the huge body of the
World and entered the body of the Stone. It was incredible .. I squeezed myself
with my own hands!
Yes,
it was the Oneness!!! I experienced physically to be myself as the stone
and the hands of my body exact the same time. It is extremely
unbelievable. Those few seconds of the Oneness changed
everything in me! _.....”
And now my life is fulfilled with indescribable peace within mind and
body. I know and experience everyday
life as imaginary life. It is
like, I has considered this reality to
be REAL… ha-haah… ))) I try to do my stuff with serious perception, but it is useless. For this year and a half after “the Oneness” I do not know more pleasurable
thing that sitting on the beach, looking at the
waves and people and… just to BE!
вторник, 2 августа 2011 г.
Quest for Myself by Marat Shayzhanov
Life is about you. That's the conclusion I've made while analizing my life.
Four months ago I had to make a choice whether I want to live a life full of depressions, jealousy, hatred and contempt or I want to make a change. I didn't understand why everything I wanted was just to stay at home, close myself from the others and watch TV series. I had blamed myself for this laziness and apathy but couldn't do anything with it.
I knew that having finished my university studies I had to find a job. I was trying to do that but it just didn't work out. Yeah, I have to confess that I was not trying as hard as I proubably could because I just didn't have any willingness to work. First, I could not imagine myself working somewhere spending the whole day on doing something for someone. Second, my education didn't let me work in some companies and position in governmental structures is poorly paid.
I concentrated myself on spiritiual search as I was always interested in this. Everything unknown attracted me a lot. Yeah, how can you concentrate on job if everything you are thinking about was spirits, soul, God, saints, energies, aura, reincarnation, destiny, self-development, the Deity, ancient beliefs, Providence, Invisible things, the planet, vegetarianism, magic and so on. I was always sure that there is a God, but not that one portrayed in religion. I was born in atheistic country, relatives on my mom's side were muslim but I was raised in orthodox surroundings. So, I had an image of both gods. And it just didn't suit me. Later, I read about other christian brenches and other religions. And my inner feeling always told me that there is only one God.
So, 6 months ago I had been doing some practices (meditation, yoga, etc.) for two months(which amazed me because I'm lazy), I read some articles and books about it. Mostly Indian and esoteric. Emm, I didn't understand much though. Later, I found out about the idea of Enlightment. I just felt the need to get it. I began to look for people who would already have this thing. Finally, I found. They were talking about humans as parts of something One (Absolut, Supreme, etc.). However, I had always had a feeling that there is somethig missing in their talkings and they were repeating the same quotes of famous spiritiual Teachers which I didn't understand and their life seemed to be so boring. Honestly. 'You are more then just your body', 'be youself', 'there is a great Love', 'you are not what you think you are', 'love everyone', 'appreciate whatever it is there to appreciate'. BLA-BLA-BLA. Ok, fine! Gonna do it... the question is HOW?
Then I found videos of a girl who was talkng about all the things that I'd been interested in and at the same time she was alive. I mean she was full of emotions, happy and she used simple words to explain those things. She somehow combined everything I believed in with an emphasis on day-to-day life, joy, love and everything-lies-within-you thing. We had chatted on the internet until I realized that I'd like to meet in real life. One day, we agreed on me coming to visit her and I immediately packed my stuff and took train from St.Petersburg to Odessa, where she lived.
She was developing her own let's call it science which she named as Alchemy of Neyrons or shrotly Alneiro. It's aimed at understanding yourself, your own wishes, dreams, feelings, thoughts, life experience and views. As I said she was and still is developing this method of discovering yourself, but she needed someone from outside world (someone apart from her parents and ex-boyfriend) to try this on. I was ready for this experiment and so we started to work.
Wow, it was a really taugh time. I've never cried and laughed so much in my entire life. I've experienced immense Tenderness towards everyone and everything, raising of Kundalini (feels really hot sometimes), thought stopping, groundless happiness and joy and other things which normally I wouldn't be able to explain. Moreover, I was able to finally separate what I really wanted from myself and what parents, other people or society wanted from me. Nonetheless, the most impressive thing in this experience was that she was doing nothing but asking me questions about myself... Ok, twice she did as she puts it 'direct transfer', when she held my hand and directly transfered her experience and Power of the Source (term which I'm going to ponder on later).
The main idea is to begin to love yourself in any of your states and faces. And love commences from appreciating yourself through bodily generation of the feeling of Gratitude which is easy (and it's a very important part coz I'm lazy), i.e. appreciation which comes from real feeling and not just words. I discovered that once you start doing this when you have periods of depression or other negative feelings and you ask yourself why those feelings occur to you, you start to understand the reason for this 'negative' states.
I've never been so sincere with anyone. I told her everything about me even those things I was not proud of at all and everything I wanted is just to forget about them. I talked about my relationships with parents, friends, boyfriends and girlfriends, my thoughts on different life matters, my feelings of hatred, contempt, jealousy and dissatisfaction with life. And the most unbelievable thing here was that I've never encountered any judgement from her. Never. Her power to understand any behaviour of mine was incredible. At the same time, she never let me cross her own personal boundaries and she never positioned herself as a good, understanding person who is there to understand you and help you ('I'm not your friend she had said'). On the contrary, she wanted me to start doing this. She wanted me to start giving support and understanding to me by myself. And it was truely amazing! Because for the first time in my life I met a person who was really interested in what I have inside me and didn't try to recommend or command what on her or his opinion I should do. She kept saying 'use your own brains and body, those are your main instruments. No other person will ever understand you as much as you can do it'.
And so I did it and I began not to seek support in others but give it to myself. I've been trying to listen to me all the time trying to understand what I feel and why. I've been asking questions to myself why do I want this, and why I don't want that, why do I feel this and what would I like to feel. I've learned to extract joy, happiness and good mood from within rather than to wait it from other people, special situations or special substances (well, that's drinks, drugs and so on). I've discovered that emotinal and physical pain I've had are the best teachers and now I'm trying to undertand those ghosts of the past because they are nothing more than lessons which I decided to 'skip' concentrating on closing myself from suffer and fearing it, whereas now It seems more reasonable to understand all that pain so that it gave me Strength than fear. Now I can see that my life is not about some sequence of god-only-knows-how-it-happened events but it is full of meaning in every situation. And I see my past as a bunch of unsolved puzzles now, big parts of the picture I've already solved and the rest is becoming more and more interesting because solving them means constructing yourslef from within with an aim to be a genuinely dignified, loving and compassionate human being I've always wanted to be.
So that's how my Quest for Myself started. http://www.facebook.com/marat.shayzhanov
__________***
Hi-hih ... I am that girl he has written about)))
Four months ago I had to make a choice whether I want to live a life full of depressions, jealousy, hatred and contempt or I want to make a change. I didn't understand why everything I wanted was just to stay at home, close myself from the others and watch TV series. I had blamed myself for this laziness and apathy but couldn't do anything with it.
I knew that having finished my university studies I had to find a job. I was trying to do that but it just didn't work out. Yeah, I have to confess that I was not trying as hard as I proubably could because I just didn't have any willingness to work. First, I could not imagine myself working somewhere spending the whole day on doing something for someone. Second, my education didn't let me work in some companies and position in governmental structures is poorly paid.
I concentrated myself on spiritiual search as I was always interested in this. Everything unknown attracted me a lot. Yeah, how can you concentrate on job if everything you are thinking about was spirits, soul, God, saints, energies, aura, reincarnation, destiny, self-development, the Deity, ancient beliefs, Providence, Invisible things, the planet, vegetarianism, magic and so on. I was always sure that there is a God, but not that one portrayed in religion. I was born in atheistic country, relatives on my mom's side were muslim but I was raised in orthodox surroundings. So, I had an image of both gods. And it just didn't suit me. Later, I read about other christian brenches and other religions. And my inner feeling always told me that there is only one God.
So, 6 months ago I had been doing some practices (meditation, yoga, etc.) for two months(which amazed me because I'm lazy), I read some articles and books about it. Mostly Indian and esoteric. Emm, I didn't understand much though. Later, I found out about the idea of Enlightment. I just felt the need to get it. I began to look for people who would already have this thing. Finally, I found. They were talking about humans as parts of something One (Absolut, Supreme, etc.). However, I had always had a feeling that there is somethig missing in their talkings and they were repeating the same quotes of famous spiritiual Teachers which I didn't understand and their life seemed to be so boring. Honestly. 'You are more then just your body', 'be youself', 'there is a great Love', 'you are not what you think you are', 'love everyone', 'appreciate whatever it is there to appreciate'. BLA-BLA-BLA. Ok, fine! Gonna do it... the question is HOW?
Then I found videos of a girl who was talkng about all the things that I'd been interested in and at the same time she was alive. I mean she was full of emotions, happy and she used simple words to explain those things. She somehow combined everything I believed in with an emphasis on day-to-day life, joy, love and everything-lies-within-you thing. We had chatted on the internet until I realized that I'd like to meet in real life. One day, we agreed on me coming to visit her and I immediately packed my stuff and took train from St.Petersburg to Odessa, where she lived.
She was developing her own let's call it science which she named as Alchemy of Neyrons or shrotly Alneiro. It's aimed at understanding yourself, your own wishes, dreams, feelings, thoughts, life experience and views. As I said she was and still is developing this method of discovering yourself, but she needed someone from outside world (someone apart from her parents and ex-boyfriend) to try this on. I was ready for this experiment and so we started to work.
Wow, it was a really taugh time. I've never cried and laughed so much in my entire life. I've experienced immense Tenderness towards everyone and everything, raising of Kundalini (feels really hot sometimes), thought stopping, groundless happiness and joy and other things which normally I wouldn't be able to explain. Moreover, I was able to finally separate what I really wanted from myself and what parents, other people or society wanted from me. Nonetheless, the most impressive thing in this experience was that she was doing nothing but asking me questions about myself... Ok, twice she did as she puts it 'direct transfer', when she held my hand and directly transfered her experience and Power of the Source (term which I'm going to ponder on later).
The main idea is to begin to love yourself in any of your states and faces. And love commences from appreciating yourself through bodily generation of the feeling of Gratitude which is easy (and it's a very important part coz I'm lazy), i.e. appreciation which comes from real feeling and not just words. I discovered that once you start doing this when you have periods of depression or other negative feelings and you ask yourself why those feelings occur to you, you start to understand the reason for this 'negative' states.
I've never been so sincere with anyone. I told her everything about me even those things I was not proud of at all and everything I wanted is just to forget about them. I talked about my relationships with parents, friends, boyfriends and girlfriends, my thoughts on different life matters, my feelings of hatred, contempt, jealousy and dissatisfaction with life. And the most unbelievable thing here was that I've never encountered any judgement from her. Never. Her power to understand any behaviour of mine was incredible. At the same time, she never let me cross her own personal boundaries and she never positioned herself as a good, understanding person who is there to understand you and help you ('I'm not your friend she had said'). On the contrary, she wanted me to start doing this. She wanted me to start giving support and understanding to me by myself. And it was truely amazing! Because for the first time in my life I met a person who was really interested in what I have inside me and didn't try to recommend or command what on her or his opinion I should do. She kept saying 'use your own brains and body, those are your main instruments. No other person will ever understand you as much as you can do it'.
And so I did it and I began not to seek support in others but give it to myself. I've been trying to listen to me all the time trying to understand what I feel and why. I've been asking questions to myself why do I want this, and why I don't want that, why do I feel this and what would I like to feel. I've learned to extract joy, happiness and good mood from within rather than to wait it from other people, special situations or special substances (well, that's drinks, drugs and so on). I've discovered that emotinal and physical pain I've had are the best teachers and now I'm trying to undertand those ghosts of the past because they are nothing more than lessons which I decided to 'skip' concentrating on closing myself from suffer and fearing it, whereas now It seems more reasonable to understand all that pain so that it gave me Strength than fear. Now I can see that my life is not about some sequence of god-only-knows-how-it-happened events but it is full of meaning in every situation. And I see my past as a bunch of unsolved puzzles now, big parts of the picture I've already solved and the rest is becoming more and more interesting because solving them means constructing yourslef from within with an aim to be a genuinely dignified, loving and compassionate human being I've always wanted to be.
So that's how my Quest for Myself started. http://www.facebook.com/marat.shayzhanov
__________***
Hi-hih ... I am that girl he has written about)))
02 08 2011word “Unsigned”
It is so strange in some way. I do this video in English as I did it in Russian. And I should every time ask myself: Do I have to do it? So I need to understand Why I do it.
I do it for
myself to express all that I came to with Enlightenment. I do it for
Universe , making more puzzles for
people. If I do not
write and make videos
I will sit at the beach for all my life till death.
Can I just
sit without moving at the street and die?Jjust
die , because I know who I am and I want to be the wind, oceans and trees. I AM
ALL of IT!!! But I want my body to change its matter. Because everything else with
social life is senseless. Even
words are senseless. Only being MYSELF… but matter of body cannot transfer
all that ONENESS… COMPLETENESS and… do not know how to call it. Maybe …
ETERNITY… OH!!!! I know… word “Unsigned”
You just choose it.
I tried to make my boyfriend laugh and to show him
that the feeling of happiness is
unconditional. To be honest, it is
unconditional for a human to choose
whether to be happy or to stay in misery.
You just choose it.
Love yourself the full heart within.
Let the desire to fix ( correct)
go. Let the desire to give
something important go. Accept yourself and learn to understand any of your inner parts
that appears. Look at yourself and Love yourself the
full heart within.
Just learn to love yourself at any state. Love yourself whatever you
are. Learn to love yourself living or dying, making mistakes or getting victory. Love yourself even when you
fulfill others expectations or not.
Your inner child is waiting,
when you be able to see your divinity. Because then you will perceive everything as THE ONE, the
Source. You will be able to see and ,
much more important, to feel the motion of unconditional love from one atom to another.
The Love which is these atoms within!
понедельник, 1 августа 2011 г.
1 of August 2011 Drawing 02
that is the most difficult thing to
understand if you still have the personality. You are not bounded by any sense
to live. When you find yourself eternally
and unified with all that exists you will lose any fear to be "not as you have
to". You are flowing on the waves of flaming and unconditional
love. You feel the matter as orgasm of
the Source. And you can choose anything you want to do. Then change it and go
on with it. There are no boundaries for anyone. But you are able to understand
it by feeling it, when you live yourself as unborn consciousness.
Oh, I really happy to write my notes in English.
It is a great pleasure for me!!!
I am drawing and with pencil it looks like
to be pretty good. So now I understand that the problem is to use to tablet.
I DRAW
it today!
1 of August 2011 Drawing
Many years I wrote articles and notes for my diaries. I shared my experience with Russian public
and it made me happy. But now
I came to the point where I found
myself in need to draw. I never
tried to do it professionally. Now I can see how hard it goes. I begin and
stuck on first drawing. It makes
me feel terrible. For many years I have
been doing what I really did good and now I can`t even draw the face. It makes me mad. It is challenge for me.
Sometimes
I came
back to articles to see that
I have learned to do it almost
professionally, so I can do it with drawing
too. I need more practice.
I can draw in this style: (my paintings)
but I want to draw like this:
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