Merry-go-round of characters.

Merry-go-round  of characters. 

I seldom write about this part of  my life. Many enlightened persons  talk and write about it.  Since  my enlightenment has come ( I do not like this word. I like to call it The Oneness) the peace fulfilled my entire life. Not only my mind, but body within.

    I was  born remembering  HOME ( the Source) and  with strong awareness  that  We are the ONE. I was talking with  Universe all the time. See the Invisibles)))  I was  experienced the Oneness  by  inner energy body since  childhood and earlier. My solid body was against this experience of the Oneness. It experienced pain and violence ( my  father’s beating). Me as a consciousness experienced Oneness and  Unconditional love. Because  of this dual and  opposite experiences my life  became a  nightmare. I couldn’t understand why others so cruel and behaved  like we were enemy. 

I was dreaming to turn my body into Light to come back HOME! Since  I was 13 years old, I practiced different  ways of  self-understanding. At 26 I gave  up. My body refused to work properly. I got Autism syndrome since I remember myself, but only at 21  I  understood  how it`s called. I couldn`t look straight into eyes of people.  Loud and rhythmic sounds  turned me into autoaggression, making my body go through some kind of epileptic attacks. It was really hard to live like this. There always were  attacks of dissociation.

I gave  up and told to the Universe:

-I will stop eating until my body comes to Light matter. I have  no strength  to live. I give up!

In forty minutes after I had manifested my promise, the Enlightenment for my Body came into my life.

From my Diary http://transmutatebody.livejournal.com/ :

“…__

The moment came when I felt like the plug in my anus had fallen out. And I felt that my self-awareness dropped down deeply into the Body of the Whole “WORLD”.
Just try to imagine: The WORLD has its own Body!!! And you are out of your body like a matryoshka, falling into deeper body –world`s body. Then you understand that it is YOUR body!
- Oh, God! THIS IS MY BODY and IT`s HUGE!!

It is impossible to put this experience into words and thoughts, even the images are useless. You need to live it within your body.

Then I felt that my body will die, but I AM! My body is the world .. went deeper .. the world is destroyed, and I still Am! (Sense of self-embracing that pervades everything and more..) . My body is the Universe .. and went deeper .. and included awareness of the “I AM”. I transmitted the sense of self awareness into sense of self identity, trying to get self- consciousness.

Then I went deeper into awareness of that part of myself which was being experienced it. I realized  that Everything would collapses and  I would aware myself as a TRUE Self. At that exact moment all boundaries (desire to live and losing Leslav, “what about me?”)  turned on. And I thought : “I do not have  to live and create all I am creating everyday for  the People, because  They are Me, do I have to?”
I began to let go of it and  gave  myself feeling that  I  was ready to go HOME. I was ready to collapse everything as  I didn’t  lose anything at all.

All this is going to die, to be destroyed but I AM still here. I was born within this knowledge. But  now I experienced it deeply with my body. This  very strong feeling  was fixed in me. Not  in my body, but in ME-e-e-e ( In  my Self-awareness as I AM) !!!! I ever disappeared anywhere. I will always be here. Because I AM. I just exist as  the presence of “I AM” ,with no beginning, middle and end!

 I picked up a large pink Agate and came out of my little body into the huge body of the World and entered the body of the Stone. It was incredible .. I squeezed myself with my own hands!

 Yes, it was the Oneness!!! I experienced physically  to be myself as the stone and  the hands of my body exact the same time. It is extremely unbelievable. Those few seconds of the Oneness  changed    everything in me!  _.....”

And now my life is fulfilled with indescribable peace within mind and body. I know and experience everyday  life as imaginary life. It  is like, I has considered  this reality to be  REAL… ha-haah… ))) I try to do  my stuff with serious perception, but it is useless.  For this year and a  half after “the Oneness” I do not know more pleasurable thing that sitting on the beach, looking  at  the waves and people and… just to BE!